New Year, New Blog
"Any new beginning is forged from the shards of the past, not from the abandonment of the past."
Craig D. Lounsbrough
I didn't mean to start a new blog, but somehow I have locked myself out of the old one and as I was making the new one, I decided that yes, indeed, it is time for a new start. You can find the new blog at annemarieschultz.blogspot.com.
All the content of teachingphilosophyandyoga.blogspot.com is there, worry not.
I am nearing the end of organizing Dad's stuff. Somewhere in this process, I decided I could get rid of some of the shards of my own past, i.e. boxes of childhood cards, letters, awards and the like. Also a bunch of journals. A detailed record of my teenage escapades does not need to fall into anyone else's hands.
Anyway, on New Year's Day I burned two boxes of said things and it felt remarkably cathartic. Some things caught my eye as I was dropping items into the firepit, like my college ID and my PSU id. Though I can see why people say I look largely the same, those past versions of me had not yet born much of the weight of the world yet. I have more wrinkles, but way better hair now.
I also salvaged a copy of the Bill of Rights from the fire, that seems particularly important to hang onto. 
and I rescued this tiny doll from her imprisonment in the plastic perfume shaped jar. I found this object absolutely mesmerizing as a child. I was not a particularly girly girly, but I somehow liked that she had her own bubble to exist in. My current feminist self is glad that I rescued her from the fire pit and now she resides outside the bottle on my bookshelf. I will probably move her to work and put her next to Lenore's Athena to Barbie book. I may burn her bottle, will have to consult her about that. She will probably enjoy being reunited with my childhood stuffed animals at work as well. 
I also saved the Indian Princesses badge. I may not hang onto this forever, but in that it is a very Dad-centric time in my life, it is a nice childhood memory of quality times spent with him. Though again, my current more culturally sensitive self, finds the whole organization and its practices rather troubling. Here's an interesting blog about it. https://www.shondaland.com/live/a19381796/guiding-in-the-wrong-direction/
I have not burned the box of family photos that survived our own fire in the winter of 1985. And there's some stuff of Dad's like his diplomas that I will hang onto, at least until he passes. I also don't know what to do with cufflinks and class rings and stuff like that. I also saved the tape dispenser, another object from childhood that I found completely mesmerizing. Something in its massive solidity was so different from the flimsy plastic variety always floating around upstairs in various drawers. 
I don't think Dad is on death's door or anything. He may live a good long time, but he has had a fairly rapid decline in daily life function and I would not say that he is thriving. He needs help showering, changing clothes, toileting. We have gotten some daily helpers to come in and are in the process of activating his long term care insurance to help cover the costs. Christina and I participated in a rather sobering 90 minute assessment of his needs and some thing about the clinical setting of it and the ways of ranking evaluation of capacity just brought to the forefront of consciousness the depth and present reality of his decline.
Anyway, all that has been in the more or less foreground of my thoughts over the holiday. It has been nice having a five week break from 1-35, but I do feel far away and I know the bulk of this is falling on Christina, though I'm trying to be as emotionally involved/supportive as I can be from half the country away. I'm really thankful we had such a great Thanksgiving visit and I am going up for his 86th.
All this feels a bit like a low level feeling of the time after Momzy died. Not the same intensity obviously, but there's a similarly omnipresent sense of loss.
Anyway, in other news, I am organizing end of year bills and receipts and getting stuff ready for taxes and trying to impose order over the chaos of our house. I've been exercising a lot more and finally my blood pressure and cholesterol medicines are working and so all those numbers are now in near perfect range. My right hip feels great. Left one is bugging me but x ray says it is still in only "moderate" degeneration.
I'm excited about the upcoming semester and the upcoming sabbatical.
In all, life is good, despite the presence of the gloominess of Dad's situation.
Still have two weeks before things start back. I'll do my annual books of the year blog tomorrow.
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